I'd like to thank The Academy for the shiny statues and Mr and Mrs L for Jennifer Lawrence. Let's thank the universe for cute animals and your lucky stars for this brief interlude within which you are officially deemed eligible to leer at them for procrastinatory purposes. GO. Everything in its … [Read more...]
Panning for Internet Gold: The toilet instructions edition
9,900 people on this exquisite blue planet search for 'toilet instructions' every month. EVERY MONTH. And yet the Dork Adore management team have never once acknowledged my sterling contribution to their search engine visibility. Hello, people troubled by the smallest room in the house. Scroll … [Read more...]
Panning for Internet Gold: The significant otter edition
Roll up, roll up. I got 6-year-old script writers, the wisdom of Mr T, a wiggly baby and a smorgasbord of sloths for you this fine afternoon. They won't last long at these prices, so click fast and click well. OH 'ECK, SOMEONE CALLED THE ROZZERS. SCATTER! Lick my Death Star Lollipops! … [Read more...]
Panning for Internet Gold: The ‘Hug a POTUS’ edition
Of all the current global heads of state, who's your top hugger? Mine would probably be Her Excellency Dilma Rousseff of Brazil, but I hear word Barry's been burning up the charts with his cuddling, so really it's anyone's race. In any event, we have just reached your sanctioned procrastination … [Read more...]
Panning for Internet Gold: The ‘You Tried’ edition
This week's Important Moral Lessons include 'It's OK to fail as long as you have tasty treats', 'Celebrities sometimes cheat but they are still better than you' and 'Corgi puppies be cray-cray, yo'. So turn to page 329 in your book of pretty kittens and let us begin. Kids, don't do rugs I … [Read more...]
Panning for Internet Gold: the ‘Aliens gave my cat a beard’ edition
New year, new diet plan. My plan is to stuff as much food in my gaping gob as is simianly possible. Now as reward for surviving your first full working week of 2013, let us play. My pretty face is not messed up Muhammad Ali pranking kids on Candid Camera will make even you grin, you … [Read more...]
Panning for Internet Gold: The monkey surplus edition
Here it is: your sanctioned, teabag-related moment of afternoon delight. How will you hold your drunken head up at the office Christmas party if you haven't seen the latest Ikea Monkey memes? Let's go to not-work procrastinatory work. Love to love you, BFF Delightfully accurate comic … [Read more...]
Panning for Internet Gold: The sizzling chemistry edition
It's that time of year when all the 'Best of 2012' review posts litter your browsing experience like so many unwelcome snowflakes. So I'll review those reviews and you can review those review-reviews at your leisure. IS IT STILL 2012? SWEET MERCY WHY? … [Read more...]
Panning for Internet Gold: The unikini edition
It's December and internet fluff is beginning to take on a distinctly tinselly tinge. So don your finest winter unikini (pictured below, with links to buy) and let's survey the land. Tell him that he's hurting himself and his family Adam Buxton has some more acceptable suggestions for what … [Read more...]
Panning for Internet Gold: the space babies edition
Not impressed with real life? Then dive with me into the Sea of Internet. The water's glittery and contains magical Narwhals. Infants of your galaxy Retro space babies. SPACE BABIES. If you don't click that, I don't know what to do with you. It was real and it was splendid. Muppet … [Read more...]
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